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| We can't fear the past. Fear is a future thing. And since
the future's all in our heads, fear must be a head thing. Tom Payne
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Life CoachingBuilding Focus, Energy & Courage - to Make a Better Life for You |
Does Your Past Predict Your Future?
or you think it doesn't
- you're probably right...
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Do you feel this way? I know I have done. Let's
tackle this head-on. Here's what I said to my friend, whose name
I've changed to protect the skeptical I said: This is one almost everyone struggles with - me
included. If DECADES of your life have told you something about
the world - isn't it likely to be bl**dy true?? Well, yes it is
- but there's a twist.
That last part - "unless you live in it" is the key - because we all do. Couple that with another favourite quote of mine:
So - if you continue to be the Sarah you were last year, then you can and should expect that this year will be pretty much the same. If you look back at your record of pulling men, or whatever you're interested in, then it's actually REASONABLE to expect the same record for the future - IF (this is the key) IF you do now, what you did last year. So the plan should be to do things differently. Understanding that is an essential step forward,
but it's depressingly not the whole solution. BUT I STILL SOMETIMES DO THE BAD STUFF AND DON'T ALWAYS DO THE GOOD STUFF. I'm making progress but this is really hard to
do. But key to them all is that you have to be willing to leave your comfort zone and move into the "stretch zone". This is the ONLY zone where personal change happens. If you feel you want to do something, then you're in your comfort zone - which is the wrong zone! You have to do the things you don't want to do. Examples of being in your stretch zone might be:
Changing Ourselves is DifficultMaking change like this is difficult - that's why
99.9% of us never do it through choice. The major changes are thrust
upon us - like serious illness, divorce, being fired, etc. But it's
important to accept that this is all in our heads, and so in principle
- in our control. So your pessimism, as you look into the year ahead
and lament that you may never meet Mr. Right is in this same area.
There is nothing external about Sarah which prevents her having
a nice relationship with a nice man. She's a cutie and a nice person.
Of course, I realise you KNOW better. This is the "mistaken
certainty" which is heard about so much in the coaching world. "Don't wish the world were easier,
wish that you were tougher". If all this sounds annoyingly smug and trite then I understand. It's been a long journey for me to come to understand that we invent our own worlds, then we go and live in the world we invented. Even when we hate it. We have the power to re-invent a better world, then go and live in that. It is *SO* not easy to do, and virtually impossible to do alone. But it most certainly can be done, and I for one, am in the process of doing it - for myself and for my clients. Sure - it's a lifetime's work, but maybe that's what your lifetime is for, and anyway - it's the best game in town. The other game, by the way, is to accept a sad fate and wait for death. |
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